What’s Wrong With Grandpa? 

When I think of my grandchildren, there is a sweet glow in my mind of happy holding-on-the-lap book reading, coloring pictures together or baking cookies. Quiet blissfulness. Togetherness.

And so ridiculously unreal. 

When my husband thinks of our three youngest grandsons, something comes over him. He becomes the terrible and mighty Foota-eat-a-saurus. What might that be you ask? Well let me assure you it is neither quiet nor sweet. It neither calms nor settles. When his transformation begins, three little boys open their mouths with piercing screams and take to the farthest corners. Scattered like leaves in the middle of a howling hurricane.

My husband gets down on the floor and growls and slithers like any Footaeatasaurus would, intent on reigning in his daily toe ingestion needs. He heads straight for the boys. They scream and run and knock things over and laugh hysterically with delicious terror. He reaches out a Grandpa arm and grabs an ankle. He pulls the foot close and snarfs it down in chumps and growls. They scream, fight and beg for more. In fact they offer the other foot. 

I don’t quite get it.

“So why do they like you better,” I ask? 

Because to be liked second best is of course the secret fearful jealousy of many moms and grandma’s.

Of course my husband vehemently denies they like him better, but I know my words are like a glistening pin in the Footaeatasaurus’ nape. 

It’s obvious in the way they stare out their window waiting for the old folk’s arrival, then run to open the door and shout, “Grandpa, are you here to play?”

I can see it by the way they grab his hands and pull him down onto the wooden floor where again his metamorphosis from sweet and lovable

changes to wild and terrible. He is not unlike the transformers piled into my grandson’s box, those toys that appear to be one thing until with the right twists they become something entirely different. A tweak here and there and the man changes to a toe monster I didn’t know existed. 

When there is a Footaeatasaurus in the house and three little boys, what chance does a little old Grandma have?

So, my husband, the man who still flutters my heart when he is not eating the toes of my grand babies, kind, considerate, and not wanting to leave me out, (while at the same time thoroughly relishing his fame) has found a solution to include me in the all important formation of our grandchildren’s lives. 

Meet the Finger-eat-a-saurus.  

Oh yes. We are a match made in heaven or some cave somewhere. Footaeatasaurus and Fingereatasaurus. 

But the Fingereatasaurus is still a Grandma. And since the original Footeaeatasaurus and Fingereatasaurus back in the garden, male and female operate differently.  

Frankly, I could do without eating little fingers. And what in the world is wrong with a Grandpa who snarls and eats toes? 

There are a whole lot of differences happening here. 

“Hey kids, how about making some chocolate chip cookies?” I ask. 

I watch them peel away from the chaos to join me in the kitchen.  

“We can read a story while we eat our cookies,” I suggest to three eager followers. 

Beat that.  

Bribery, even in an Eatasaourus’ world, still has its place. 

 

31 Replies

  1. Barbara Latta Reply

    What a sweet depiction of grandparents and their grandchildren. That relationship is so sweet and special. You are truly blessed and yes, Grandma does have a way to win their hearts!

  2. Katy Kauffman Reply

    This is so cute and fun. I was laughing to myself several times. Plenty of adventure and love for those little boys!

    • Sylvia Schroeder Reply

      Thanks Katy! I’m happy to share the adventures!! I’m so honored you enjoyed it.

  3. Daneen Campbell Reply

    Such fun and so true! However, we have a granddaughter now in her 30s whose first question has always been, “Where’s Grandpa?” I’ve given up trying to persuade her that she could at least say hello to me before she runs to him! lol

    • Sylvia Schroeder Reply

      Thanks Daneen! You mean it goes on?! Grateful for men who are great Grandpas.

  4. Susan Kroeker Reply

    Loved this, Sylvia! Very cute!

  5. Charity Reply

    Love! I’m Always blown away at what a fantastic writer you are!

    • Sylvia Schroeder Reply

      One of the nicest comments ever! Thanks Charity. May I assume you are diligently working on a post?

  6. Mary Neir Reply

    So good Sylvia – what pictures you create and what our grandchildren love is so fun –
    You guys are the best!

    • Sylvia Schroeder Reply

      Oh boy we are not, but we keep learning from people like you both! Thanks so much!

  7. Paul Wright Reply

    Loved it!

    • Sylvia Schroeder Reply

      Well thank you Dr. Paul. That really does make me feel honored! I’m so glad you enjoyed it.

  8. Linda Reply

    Loved this for today Grandchildren are chance to do it all over again love be non judgemental and always there to support them no matter what!!!!

    • Sylvia Schroeder Reply

      Thanks Linda! It is truly a role full of blessings, isn’t it!

  9. Ali Wieboldt Reply

    So much fun! Reminds me so much of the “delicious terror” of my grandfather who used to try to nibble on our “dried apricot EARS!” And now I wonder what will come out of my husband if/when we have grands!! What fun!!

    • Sylvia Schroeder Reply

      Be prepared! It sounds like it’s in the DNA. Delicious Terror is a great term! Thanks for reading and commenting.

  10. J.D. Wininger Reply

    Oh, how I loved this post. I wish I could tell you that it brought back wonderful memories of my grandparents; or that it reminded me of when our grandchildren (and pseudo-grands as we call them) were that small, but I can’t. What I can do is enjoy the laughter, screams, and calls in my mind and dream of what our heavenly home will be like. Pure joy! Thank you for a wonderful respite and peek into the love your family shares.

    • Sylvia Schroeder Reply

      Thank you J.D. I appreciate that so much. Honestly, I never knew any of my grandparents, so I have no way of knowing how normal this type of monstrosity might be. But from the comments, I guess my grandsons aren’t the only ones… Thank you for taking the time to read and comment. Always appreciated.

  11. Nancy Reply

    Is Jeremy familiar with the footaeatasauras, or is this a more recent metamorphosis? 🤪

    • Sylvia Schroeder Reply

      Oh, I don’t know. There have been different evolutions, but all of them include a lot of noise and snarfing. Poor Jeremy.

  12. Jeanne A Dedman Reply

    My dad liked to grab little ones and claim “I’ll never let you go!” while they laughingly tried to get away. Oh, I miss him still.

    • Sylvia Schroeder Reply

      Jeanne, How funny that so many guys seem to know how to connect in such a way and kids love it. Thanks for reading and commenting!!

  13. Shari Reply

    My Dad, my children’s Grandpa played “coffee power” with my kids. He would take a drink of coffee and suddenly roar, coffee power” as he turned into a monster. Screams and chaos ensued as he chased them around the house. What fun memories!

    • Sylvia Schroeder Reply

      Oh my, how did my husband ever miss that one. I’m sure coffee flows through his veins. I may hide this comment from him or a new monster shall come forth!!

  14. Jan Puffenberger Reply

    Oh, how much I love this! And those grandbabies! Thank you so much for making this picture so alive in my mind…so grateful that you and Phil are living in C-ville and present for our children!!!! You are a such a descriptive writer, Sylvia. 🙂

    • Sylvia Schroeder Reply

      Jan, thanks so much! Love having the opportunity to see you more often as well! Appreciate you reading and responding!

  15. Jeannie Waters Reply

    What a fun story of playing with children. God does gift us differently, doesn’t He? Laughter is good for grandparents and the little kiddos.

    • Sylvia Schroeder Reply

      Jeannie, Thanks so much for spending the time to read and comment. Laughter is definitely something we do much more of when our grandchildren are around!!

  16. Sylvia Schroeder Reply

    Thank you so much for including a link to my post! Tim Challies A La Carte March 11!!

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