“So far so good,” I text to a friend when asked how my husband is doing after surgery.
The crazy thing is he may be doing ok, but, I am so far from so good.
It is a terrifying ride for me, like the roller coaster of our daughter’s health spiral years past all over again. I remember so much, things I never hoped to see in my mind’s screen replay, scabs I never wanted picked. But its there in vibrant color, and rather than feeling stronger because of having already walked a similar road, I somehow feel this new experience found a chink in my weak armor. I enter the battle already limping and wounded.
And I recognize I can’t do this alone.
I’m forced to reach out when I’d rather curl into a ball and rock like one of those tiny bugs who protect their soft bellies.
People often bemoan never having had a formal mentor or someone who discipled them, but in the most difficult of times, I recognize I’ve been blessed with a myriad. Most of them have no inkling I consider them such. They would see themselves as little people, women who’ve not done great things by many standards, but I’ve observed how they live their lives faithfully for Jesus, even in the hardest times.
They are my Lady Warriors, who love Jesus and mirror Him so well I want to be like them when I grow up.
They tell me about their struggles when their husbands suffered. They assure me of God’s character, and riddle me with Scripture which I love rather than assuring me that “I’ve got this,” because honestly, I know I don’t.
I know how very weak I am, and I need the reminder of how very strong my God is. I want Him to “have this.”
The absolute truth of Scripture from these dear ladies, runs into the crevices of my doubts and the wounds of my out-of-control-fear.
I’ve chosen three women to walk with me through this trial. I’ve shared my heart and they help balance my burden. They pray for the jagged pieces of my emotions, and the stuff I can’t share with everyone. When my circumstances sweep me into their waves and toss me into a sea of turmoil, these three women, fill my mind with solid steadfast truth.
“When I am afraid, I will put my trust in you,” (Ps. 56:3) from one of them cradled me on a day when my husband’s pain wore me past breaking.
I’ve been brought by another back to God’s unfailing love with, “I cried out, “I am slipping !” But your unfailing love, Oh Lord supported me. When doubts filled my mind, your comfort gave me renewed hope…” (Psalm 94:18-19).
“Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid, do not be discouraged, for the Lord our God will be with you.” (Joshua 1:9) lifted me when the decisions overwhelmed me.
My Lady Warriors remind me weakness and strength are defined by God uniquely, differently than I’m prone to think.
“For when I am weak, then He is strong.” (See 2 Cor. 12:9-11)
Waiting rooms are places where worry sits and anxiety builds.
Why sit in the waiting room alone?