Let’s Not Tell the Kids

“Let’s not tell the kids,” I warned my husband.

I mean who doesn’t go down a one way the wrong way now and then, or put lettuce in the freezer, or forget someone’s name?

Our list of not telling our adult kids, may or may not be growing.

I grew up with three older brothers. I recall the bonds of sibling secrets. “Let’s not tell mom and dad,”

sometimes happened. The secrets weren’t big or bad or major, but the exchanged look of brother to brother, or brother to sister, managed to speak a clear message of “no telling.”

I remember seeing that same look pass between my own children’s eyes, and knowing exactly what was said without it being said. “No telling.”

Secrets are a two sided coin. They can be delightful. They can be malignant. But, every person has them, the good and the bad, tucked away somewhere inside.

We camouflage and hide them, fearful, and often ashamed. We script appearances in order for others to like us and not see quite everything. And sometimes, we don’t even know all the hidden recesses of our own hearts.

My husband and I have had the privilege throughout our lives to mentor younger couples as they plan for marriage. A verse that has come up in those sessions, as we consider their future as husband and wife, friend or foe, is found in Matthew 7.

And why do you look at the speck in your brother’s eye, but do not consider the plank in your own eye? Or how can you say to your brother, ‘Let me remove the speck from your eye’; and look, a plank is in your own eye? (Matthew 7: 3-4 NKJV)

And as much as we plan the session to touch the hearts of two people about to launch into the covenant of marriage, Jesus’ words never fail to speak to me about the reality of a critical spirit and an arrogant heart.

I know very well from experience that throughout the years of our own marriage, disharmony finds its way to the outside because of things inside, tucked away in the crevices no one sees.

How easy it is for me to lack discernment of another or be condemning, when I cannot see clearly because of what I myself harbor. And as we teach this to others, I am always convicted by my own need for growth.

As Jesus spoke these words, He was at the end of His lengthy Sermon on the Mount. He had been telling His listeners about internal issues of the heart and their consequences. He covered topics from murder to prayer, retaliation to wealth. Then as He brought up the finale, He confronted this truth: plank-born-arrogance distorts vision.

I often think that God has brought opportunities for shepherding others to remind me of my own desperate need. “Lord, show me the giant beams in my eyes first, so that then I can see others clearly.”

Hidden things of the heart do not exist to God. They are all visible.

David, the Psalmist invited God to look deep, to search and know Him.

Search me, O God, and know my heart; Try me, and know my anxieties; And see if there is any wicked way in me, And lead me in the way everlasting. (Psalm 139:23-24 NKJV)

As I re-read the Psalmist’s passage this week, I found again the sweet truth that He knows me, with all my quirks, failures, faults, and anxious fears. He sees deep inside where I hide fear and dread. In those seldom seen recesses of the heart, there are no secrets to Him.

I am convinced by David’s words, that the invitation to the Spirit’s searching is not an uncomfortable exercise. It is a purifying mercy and grace, something which God desires. David’s prayer invites His Spirit to know us completely so He can transform us wholly.

God’s Word is a mirror to the soul. His Word brings light to the hidden corners of the heart. David’s desire, search me, know me, try me, and lead me, opens the path to real growth. It asks God to reveal my own issues so He can lift me out from their grasp and free me to walk with clear vision.

I am so grateful that not only does He know my every secret of the heart, He loves me fully, and delights to be with me. And I am grateful that He forgives and removes those self-inflicted planks which cause so much contention.

By the way, those things I mentioned at the beginning of the post all happened in my twenties and thirties.

When I was in labor, on the way to the hospital with our second child, my husband drove in complete panic down two one way streets, in the wrong direction, with lanes of cars heading toward us.

Lettuce in the freezer? Guilty. I had three little girls at the time that I-may-have-kind-of-thought were the culprits of my missing lettuce. I looked for it for at least a day before I found it where I’d put it.

And, forgetting names? Always been an issue. Always will be.

So, to my dear children, if you are reading this, I guess you may never know what you never know.

Your father and I may still have a few of our own little secrets.

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I’ve had the privilege to be published in the fall issue of Refresh Magazine. My story is titled God’s Care Packages. You’ll find it on page 27 of Part 1.